Tales From the Battlefront
by Ssorian
Summary: A compilation of humorous true mostly Star Wars Battlefront stories!
1. Hoth, Galactic Civil War

Tales From the Battlefront

The following is a compilation of true (mostly) stories. I hope you enjoy.

Hoth: Galactic Civil War: Echo Base…

The young rebel soldier raced through the snowy expanse of Hoth, the battle around him raging as the sound of laser fire and explosions filled the air. A squad of snow speeders sped low over head and above the ranks of the empire, followed shortly by a battalion of troops on ton-ton.

The rebel grabbed the nearest ton-ton rider and shoved him off. He, then, swung himself around, boarding the still running ton-ton.

Another rider looked over at him, "Hey! Your not part of this brigade!"

He shrugged, "I am now."

The rider thought this over… "Alright."

The young rebel bent forward on his ton-ton to gain speed as they quickly approached the front lines of the empire… when…

"Take cover!"

The ground was blown from under him as a flash of red gave sign of laser cannon fire. He was sent sprawling through a wave of snow, ton-tons, and rebels… Landing awkwardly, he stood and shook off the snow…

The rider before, another soldier like himself, stood, not a yard away brushing the snow from his helmet…

The rebel pulled his boot free of a foot deep trench of snow and looked up, "What a blast!... Literally!... But… where'd it come from?"

The other soldier shrugged… looked up… and fell backwards in shock.

The young rebel helped him up, "What?"

The soldier pointed up and out, "I'm… uh… not sure… but… er… I believe it came from that…"

The rebel shrugged… looked up following the soldiers finger… and fell backwards in shock… After a moment of recovery, he spoke.

"Well… what is it?"

"Dunno… looks bad… Think we should try to stop it, or something?"

"Yeah."

"Got any ideas?"

"Shoot it?"

"Shoot it it is."

They raised their guns to the massive AT-AT that was now moving toward them and began firing into its face… Just seconds later…

"Out of ammo?"

"Yeah."

"Now what?"

"Thermal detonators?"

"Sure."

Pulling out the pulsing red grenades they flung them to the underside of the metal beast… Seconds later…

"Out of thermal detonators?"

"Only had five."

"Now what?"

"Pistols?"

"Fine with me."

They began firing into the underside of the massive contraption that now towered over them…

The distant sun glowing off the white metal of the thing… reflected in their eyes…

"Too bright."

"Can't see it…"

A shadow fell over their faces…

"That's better."

A mighty metal foot crashed down upon them from above… and two rebel soldiers faded from the game…


	2. Tatooine, Galactic Civil War

Tatooine: Galactic Civil War: Mos Eisley

The hot suns of Tatooine beat down upon the rebel vanguard in the midst of the dusty city…

Every ammo droid… every fricken one… had been destroyed… and he was out of ammo… Well… not quite… he was never out of ammo with his laser pistol… So here he was… a vanguard in a shiny white helmet and bright blue coat against the tan surroundings… with a laser pistol… only a laser pistol… In short, he was a sitting duck.

He had stuck to the alley ways and the shadows… away from the major battle areas for as long as he could… but sooner or later he'd wind up facing the empire… Turned out to be sooner. He rounded a corner, and his ears were filled with heavy rasping breathing… There… standing alone in the alley… was the terror of the galaxy… Darth Vader himself… Luckily, his back was turned… One hit to the back of the head might be enough to dispose of him… Right?

He took aim… and pulled the trigger…

Almost gracefully, a bright red lightsaber flicked over the shoulder and deflected the beam… and slowly… ever slowly… the D.V. himself turned around… until his black mask was looking directly into the eyes of the shaking vanguard… They stood that way… for what seemed like an eternity… When… finally… the vanguard turned and ran for his life… With a rasp of triumph, the Darth began his pursuit.

The vanguard ran screaming through the city… that dreadful breathing always filling his ears…

The battle down main-street raged… lasers filled the air… no place to move without being hit… When… a rebel vanguard sprinted like a madman between the factions… and all fire stopped. All was still and silent as the troops pondered the crazed vanguard… Things were at a standstill for a few seconds… until… deep wheezing breathing filled the air. And Darth Vader ran headlong across the street after the unfortunate rebel, lightsaber raised…

As the raspy nose grew faint… silence resumed…

Four squads of Imperial troops jogged down a back alley toward the nearest enemy command post… Their white armor glinted in the Tatooine sun light… When suddenly, a halt was called… They stood motionless and listened as the scratchy breathing of their lord began to grow louder and louder… An imperial officer turned to the squadrons.

"Salute Lord Vader!" he cried.

The Imperials fell into line and saluted… and to their surprise… a rebel ran through their midst in a screaming panic followed by Darth Vader, lightsaber raised high above his head.

As the last of Vader's dark cape disappeared behind a wall, the troops broke out into applause and cheering.


	3. Rhen Vhar, Galactic Civil War

Rhen Vhar: Galactic Civil War…

The rebel pilot, clad in traditional orange flight suit, dashed through the snow toward the next vehicle… He knew what he had to do… He had to get to the green cave entrance in a vehicle… and prevent any Imperial troops from entering they're secure location… He flung himself into the Pilots seat and swung the vehicle around to face the cave. Hitting the throttle, he shot forward and parked before the cave… now… to wait…

He needn't wait long, for the first wave of Imperials was coming into sight, running headlong through the cave toward him. He took aim through the entrance and… Wait… Their ranks were parting… They seemed to be applauding… But… for what… and who was that!

There, amongst the Imperial troops was a rebel… a vanguard to be exact… and he ran screaming through the cave… followed closely by… Wait… it couldn't be… Yes… it was… it was… Darth Vader! The Darth leapt forward, and in mid summersault, cut down the screaming vanguard.

That's when the pilot made his move… emptying round after round of constant laser fire, missiles, more lasers, more missiles… until he was sure nothing could have possibly survived…. Yet he continued to fire… The cave was a massive pit of smoke and explosions. Until, he ceased… The smoke cleared… He could see the cave floor, littered with hundreds of Imperial bodies that slowly faded… except one…

Darth Vader slowly stood, raised his lightsaber… and ran forward.

The pilot began round two of his demolition of the cave… Fire and smoke filled the cave… and any unfortunate dimwit of a rebel who ran headlong ready for battle into the cave got incinerated in the blasts as well.

The smoke cleared again… Darth Vader picked himself up from the green stoney floor, again… raised his lightsaber… and… Round three.

Through the smoke, the pilot could literally see the blasts sending Darth Vader cart wheeling in all directions against the rock walls.

He ceased fire… the smoke cleared… Darth Vader picked himself up… raised his lightsaber… and ran forward…

The pilot gave in and backed away from the cave mouth. Darth Vader ran out screaming in triumph. The pilot put 'er in full throttle… Vader was pulled under the vehicle with a slight bump. His black gloved hand slid out from under the thrusters… The pilot backed off… Yup… That worked…

Darth Vaders body slowly vanished…


End file.
